I want to address something that has been on my mind ever since I got pregnant.
Mom shaming.
It's definitely a thing.
Maybe you've never heard of it. Maybe you have unknowingly participated. Perhaps you have been a subject of being bad-mouthed by fellow Mothers -friend or foe. Well I am here to sound off and hopefully plant some type of seed.
The definition in my little brain is as follows:
mom-shaming
verb
1. The act of belittling or bad mouthing another mother out loud or in your own mind. This could be in reference to differentiating parenting styles, discipline and theory. Mom shaming is a way other Mothers potentially speak hatefully or disrespectfully about another Mom's way of rearing their child or live their lives.
Why is this a problem? Why is this even a thing?!? Am I crazy? Or just making it up?
Absolutely not. I am admittedly guilty of talking smack about the way another woman choses to Mother. I have hatefully partaken in conversations were myself and other Mothers have trashed our fellow Mama. I admit it. I am guilty...and ashamed. It starts from pregnancy and doesn't stop because another Woman's child is 45. We women constantly pick apart the way we look and act while pregnant, the way others deliver, sleep train, dress, feed (don't EVEN let me scream about breastfeeding shaming) and entertain our kids. There isn't a right or wrong. Well, okay, I mean there are obvious no-no's like child abuse and cooking meth while your baby watches "Yo Gaba Gaba" (did I spell that right? Whatev) but otherwise there is not a theoretical "right" or "wrong" way to be a Mom.
So let me step up on my soapbox and PREACH for a minute.
On pregnancy:
So you go to prenatal yoga 4 days a week. Cut caffeine and all artificial colors/additives? You gained 16 pounds with your fabulous pregnancy? GOOD FOR YOU!!!
You have the perfect nursery? Stock piled 465798 boxes of diapers? Awesome.
Haven't bought a thing? Does the thought of holding a tiny human kind of freak you the hell out? That's ok!
Gestational diabetes creeping in with every donut and big mac? Haven't left the couch once? GOOD FOR YOU!!
Maybe you adopted or took in a baby under unusual circumstances.
At the end of the day, we are AMAZING ladies. Nobody else can grow a human being. Sure, we try to be healthy and do what is best for the baby. As long as we're not snorting lines off our bump at 37 weeks in da club...I think we are ok. Remember Alyia Montano? She is the 800 meter track super star who caught major shit for running a race 8 months pregnant. Unless you are Alyia or her OBGYN, what right do we have to tell her what is safe for her baby? Her doctors actually encouraged her, while her fellow Moms...her SISTERS in life bashed her for doing something that is natural to her body. Guess what? That baby came out perfect and is loved every bit as much as anybody else's baby.
On Delivery:
Total natural? No meds? No epidural? Holy crap you are insane and you are a champ.
Wanna press that epidural button 500 times a minute? Doctor may I have another oxy? Sister I feel ya. That contraction stuff? SUCKS.
Scheduled section? It's all good. I will drive you anywhere you need to go in the 6 week window you aren't allowed to drive after you have MAJOR surgery AND have a baby!
At the end of the day, you are giving birth...one way or another. YOU are the awesome powerhouse that God has chosen to bring another human life into this world. Do what makes you the most comfortable (or uncomfortable you au natural goddess) and post 300 pictures to facebook to show off what YOU did.
On Feeding:
Were you amazingly lucky enough to survive that first year breastfeeding without giving your baby a drop of formula? Hell yeah! I envy you!
Tried your best? Did you spend hours pumping and crying and begging your baby "take the friggin' boob kid"!!!! Before you caved and gave (gasp!) formula? God created formula for a reason. YOU are NOT a bad Mom or a bad person.
Look at you making all of your own baby food! Buying all organic? No additives or meat for your baby? Nice work.
Gerber 4/$2 super sale savvy saver? Ooopsies the baby just downed a honey bun when I Wasn't looking type of Mom? Ha! I've been there. Let's talk when she eats mud, sand, dog food.....the list goes on.
Guess what? Either way, that baby is getting nourishment. Every Mom is not a dietician or registered nutritionist. We try our best. Some of us can afford time and money to make top notch non-gmo homemade meals while other Moms scrape together whatever they can or whatever WIC will give them to feed a teeny, tiny, hungry mouth. As long as those rolls are getting fatter and those lips are smacking, you're doing it the way that is working for you and your baby. Bravo!
On Sleeping:
So you co-sleep. Baby gets to spoon you every night. You can sleep well knowing your baby is right next to you. Every now and then, your 13 year old crawls into bed with you some nights? If that is ok with you, that's ok with us. Maybe you put your baby on her tummy at 6 weeks (guilty) because she slept like an angel from then on out. Maybe you never put them in a stylish bassinette or Granny's antique iron crib. Those super expensive and beautiful bumpers stayed regardless what the SIDS campaign says. So white noise making your house sound like a category 5 hurricane is in your backyard...whatever works!
Maybe you let your angel cry it out like Ferber said or can't stand that horrific sound (omg, the anxiety...I KNOW) and spent endless hours and sleepless nights awkwardly snuggled with the babe in that glider you thank God for or on the couch while watching weird infomercials at 4am.
My God. If there is a struggle all Mamas face, it is the sleep battle. Whether you were that lucky duck who's kiddo slept 8 hours a night at 4 weeks or your 18 month old STILL wakes up at 2 am...you aren't doing anything wrong. We all miss sleeping, one way or another. When Roslyn wakes up like clockwork at 6am day after day, I tend to glare at friends who have sleepy angels who whimper for food at 8am. But the struggle is equal and different for us all. Through it all, we are in a sisterhood of exhaustion, insomnia and endless googling of "Why the shit won't the freaking baby sleep for ___ hours after ____ o'clock and why is he trying to kill me"? TELL ME SIRI!!!!
Ya'll. This is the tip of the iceberg. I could easily get into discipline styles, judging the way other Moms dress, look, or how they chose to spend free time. Either way, we as women can do better. If you are a Mom, you are part of an elite sisterhood of women who have been there and done that. These women are your support, NOT your competition. They are doing what works for them. They love their children as much as you do. They miss sleeping, secretly google everything and panic at least 17 times a day over the littlest things just like you do. How are we going to raise strong, confident and smart children is we are constantly breaking each other down and working ourselves to the bone endlessly trying to achieve that "super woman" status?
Allow me to let you in on a secret.
YOU ARE SUPER WOMAN
You are a Mother.
(steps off soapbox)
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